Gay Anonymous Encounters

'Interested in anonymous encounters? The portal is unbarred. Find me supine, sightless, well-anointed. Scanning presently. Hosting is feasible.'

This is a correspondence I encountered on Grindr yesterday, yet it will likely appear familiar to anyone who frequents dating applications—particularly those designed to facilitate casual liaisons among MSM (men who engage in intimacy with men). While the specific phraseology might differ slightly - occasionally the entrance is described as 'on the latch' or perhaps 'ajar' - the fundamental proposition remains remarkably consistent. The individual transmitting the message is prepared and awaiting the arrival of an unknown person to enter his residence and, subsequently, him. Theoretically, if he maintains his blindfold throughout the entire encounter, one could engage in intercourse and depart without him ever ascertaining your identity.

'It's certainly a fetish for me,' asserts Dan Thomas, a 32-year-old homosexual gentleman hailing from Dorchester. Currently residing with his parents, Dan finds himself constrained to arranging an 'open door' rendezvous only when they are absent from their abode. Nevertheless, during the period he lived independently in Brighton a few years prior, he would occasionally orchestrate multiple such encounters within a single night.

'I commenced this practice frequently when I was habitually engaging with a dominant partner who preferred me to be prepared for his immediate penetration - I've consistently assumed the role of an uninhibited, submissive partner,' remarks Dan. Over time, this evolved into uncredited liaisons with men he did not know. 'Initially, the exhilaration stems from the sound of the door opening,' he shares, 'and then, when blindfolded, the other senses become more acute, so the auditory and olfactory stimuli are what particularly arouse me.'

Dan acknowledges that the heightened excitement was more pronounced for him while residing in Brighton - a metropolis boasting a substantial demographic of MSM, thereby facilitating completely anonymous liaisons. 'Now residing in a more intimate community, my Grindr feed predominantly features individuals I have previously met, or at the very least, am aware of,' he states. Despite this, Dan maintains that he never deviates from preserving the charade, adding with conviction: 'The sole occasion my blindfold is removed is at their discretion.'

In common with all particular preferences, the 'open door' scenario is not a uniform experience. Tommy, a 23-year-old gay man from the eastern regions of London - who requested anonymity, as he prefers his fetishes not to be publicly disclosed - indicates that, for him and certain MSM who partake in so-called 'open door meetings,' the element of anonymity does not inherently amplify the arousal.

'Typically, I request photographic submissions beforehand, but if they appear rational and are content with sharing only images of their physique or genitalia, then that is acceptable,' he explains. 'I have donned a blindfold on a few occasions, but it's primarily about the thrill of anticipating someone's arrival and finding oneself exposed, or conversely.'

Although Tommy derives pleasure from the sensation of vulnerability during his open door rendezvous, he affirms that he has never truly experienced a sense of insecurity. 'Barring a minuscule fraction, virtually every casual sexual encounter within the gay community involves a vetting process to ascertain the individual's mental stability, earnest intentions, and, most crucially, mutual compatibility and shared arousal points,' he articulates with a straightforward demeanor. 'Should all these elements align, the encounter is poised to occur. The added thrill of leaving the entryway unsealed introduces no additional jeopardy, as by that juncture, your address is already known.'

Nonetheless, Tommy concedes that by generally abstaining from blindfolds and restraints, he is effectively mitigating any potential personal risk. 'I've encountered narratives wherein certain individuals favor being physically confined during open door meetings - they might await their partner bound upon the bed,' he relates. 'However, that particular aspect proves somewhat excessive for my preferences.'

Prior to arranging any form of 'open door' liaison, it is absolutely paramount to thoroughly consider your personal safety. Ian Howley, the chief executive of the health and well-being organization LGBT HERO, mentions that he has 'been privy to accounts of several instances of sexual assault stemming from this particular form of role-play,' while also emphasizing that such occurrences are fortunately 'exceedingly uncommon.'

'It is imperative that both participants acknowledge the inherent risks and possess a secure exit strategy should any unforeseen circumstances arise,' he elucidates. 'Ensure your mobile device is within easy reach, and perhaps inform a trusted individual of your intended location. If you are hosting the encounter, then maintain your phone in close proximity, enabling you to summon assistance if necessary.'

Furthermore, he strongly encourages individuals to report any sexual assaults that transpire during 'open door' hook-ups to the authorities, 'thereby enabling us to prevent others from enduring similar experiences.'

Conversely, Howley also posits that there is absolutely no justification for this particular fetish to be subjected to societal disapproval. 'Establish your personal boundaries, engage in open and candid discussions regarding your respective desires for the encounter, and provided you are both in accord, there is nothing inherently improper or mortifying about your engagement,' he asserts.

Indeed, these 'open door' encounters can facilitate sexual intimacy for MSM who are either closeted or in the initial stages of exploring their sexual orientation. 'Generally, when a gentleman indicates that he prefers to remain ‘discreet' [regarding his sexual encounters with men], I tend to propose this method,' states Dan Thomas.

This particular inclination can also serve as an empowering experience for MSM who belong to marginalized communities. 'This may sound peculiar, but it provides my submissive persona with a profound sense of agency, knowing that this man is present for me and desires to utilize my body,' shares Ali, a 35-year-old homosexual man from Leeds, who has requested his anonymity be preserved to safeguard his privacy.

Ali describes his specific 'open door' fetish as 'intricate' due to his homosexual identity and his upbringing within a 'South Asian Muslim background.' 'I perpetually find myself in conflict between my internal feelings and the moral teachings instilled by my family and faith,' he reveals. 'Furthermore, I do not conform to the prevalent [Western-centric] aesthetic ideals within the homosexual community, rendering this singular act of self-determination over my own happiness a source of liberation for me.'

However, Ali also acknowledges that this feeling of liberation can prove to be somewhat transient. 'Subsequently, though, I tend to associate my contentment with the validation obtained from predominantly Caucasian bisexual and homosexual men,' he admits.

Nevertheless, Ali conveys a message for anyone who tends to dismiss 'open door' liaisons as merely 'sleazy' or indicative of possessing 'no moral compass': 'What individuals conveniently overlook is that heterosexual individuals engage in this very practice, every single Friday and Saturday night,' he contends. 'They simply introduce alcoholic beverages into the equation and label it as ‘pulling,' which then gains societal acceptance. We, in essence, bypass that preliminary phase and proceed directly to the act itself.'

@mrnicklevine