How to have gay anal

A Beginner's Guide to Topping During Sex

Few individuals among us were fortunate enough to receive clinically precise sexual health instruction during their schooling; and even for those who did, in all likelihood, it failed to address how queer men engage in sexual activity. It is quite common, therefore, to harbor numerous inquiries regarding the practicalities of queer intimate relations, such as discerning the definitions of a "top" and a "bottom" and comprehending the execution of each role.

Within the context of anal intercourse, the terms "top" and "bottom" commonly denote the distinct positions individuals assume. Specifically, the bottom is the receiving participant, a role that entails accepting their partner's phallus or sex toy into their anal cavity. Conversely, the top functions as the penetrating, or active, participant, a role defined by their action of introducing their phallus or pleasure device into their associate's posterior.

To numerous queer individuals, assuming either the top or bottom role is integrally linked to their self-perception; consequently, one often hears men stating, "I'm a top," rather than merely expressing, "I prefer the top position." (Should an individual derive pleasure from both penetrating and being penetrated in anal intercourse, this is termed "versatile," or "vers" colloquially.)

While information is available on how to bottom, our present discussion will center upon...

How to Top

Encompassing initial preparation through post-coital attention, there is significantly more involved in the act of topping than merely inserting one's phallus or sex toy into another's anal opening and proceeding vigorously.

What is the paramount ability for the individual assuming the top role? Unquestionably, it is effective communication.

"Heed your partner, your physical sensations, and engage in dialogue," advises Dr. Evan Goldstein, the progenitor and chief executive of the specialized proctological clinic Bespoke Surgical. He adds, "In this manner, anal sex will prove to be both enjoyable and gratifying."

How to Prepare Your Associate for Intimacy

For those who have experienced the passive role in anal exploration, it is understood that insertion is more comfortable when the receiving area is unconstricted. Prior to considering inserting your phallus or dildo into your partner's posterior, it is imperative to facilitate their relaxation. Bear in mind, it signifies a profound trust—indeed, a privilege—that your receptive partner places sufficient faith in you to permit the insertion of your phallus or dildo within them. Under no circumstances should you neglect preliminary erotic engagement.

Rimming and fingering represent two distinct methods to prepare your associate's posterior prior to anal penetration.

"Commence by gently caressing the external anal area with a digit, gradually increasing firmness as your companion relaxes further," elucidates Bobby Box, a sexual health instructor for Lovehoney. Given that our anus is rich in nerve receptors, even the gentlest contact can elicit profound pleasure. "Subsequently, one may commence kissing the peri-anal region, gradually introducing the tongue in a manner akin to fervent oral intimacy," Box further suggests.

Upon your companion's relaxation, it is then that you might contemplate the insertion of a digit. "Ensure that your fingernails are neatly clipped and smoothed, as the rectal walls are exceptionally delicate and prone to abrasions and lacerations," Box advises.

Try the "butt clock technique."

A manual stimulation method known as the "butt clock," which advocates say can significantly relax the anal opening, is recommended by Carlton Thomas, M.D., a board-certified gastroenterologist who received his training at the Mayo Clinic.

The outer anal muscle, composed of voluntary muscle tissue, is under conscious command, Thomas clarifies—consider the action of contracting your anus and increasing its constriction. Conversely, the internal sphincter (situated within the anal canal) is composed of involuntary muscle, which is not subject to conscious cerebral direction—yet, "it can be influenced with lateral pressure," Thomas asserts.

Visualize the anus as an analog timepiece. To employ Thomas' "butt clock" technique, insert your lubricated digit into the receptive partner's opening and apply sideways pressure at the 3 o'clock position, maintaining it for a duration of fifteen to thirty seconds. Subsequently, repeat this action at the 9, 12, and 6 o'clock positions. "That minute aperture will commence to dilate as if by enchantment," Thomas asserts. He likens it to, "a specific key unlocking a mechanism."

Lube is your friend for all kinds of anal sex.

In contrast to the female reproductive canal, the anus lacks natural moistening capabilities; consequently, the concept of a 'wet ass bussy' is nonexistent unless lubricant is applied to both the anal opening and any inserted objects, be it digits, sex implements, or a phallus, among others.

Regarding lubricants intended for anal intercourse, Box advocates for a silicone-based variety. "Silicone lubricants possess superior slipperiness, viscosity, and longevity compared to their water-based counterparts, thereby negating the need for frequent interruptions for repeated applications," he explains. Furthermore, it will not degrade latex barriers, as oil-based lubricants might. (Exercise caution, however, if employing a silicone pleasure device, which may degrade upon exposure to silicone-based lubricant. Consult this resource for further guidance on selecting an appropriate lubricant.)

Ask if your bottom is ready for more.

Prior to initiating insertion with a phallus or dildo, inquire of your receptive partner regarding their current state of comfort and their readiness for further engagement.

Upon receiving assent to commence insertion, persist in confirming your receptive partner's sensations. "Should discomfort arise, halt and reassess the situation before you inflict significant harm upon your partner," Goldstein states. He further advises, "In the capacity of the penetrating partner, it can be tempting to be assertive or controlling, but one must be attuned to your companion's cues and refrain from excessive intensity until their readiness is established."

How to Initiate Penetration with Your Companion

Maintain lubricant application! Lubricant is not solely for use during the preparatory phases; it is equally essential for the actual penetration phase! Employ your digits to apply lubricant within the receptive partner's orifice and upon your phallus or dildo, Box recommends.

Your receptive partner may possess a favored stance for engaging in penetrative anal intercourse, hence, you ought to inquire of them regarding their preference. Goldstein asserts, "Notwithstanding portrayals in adult films, which nearly invariably depict the penetrating partner exerting complete dominance at the outset, it is crucial to yield agency to your receptive partner." Contemplate initiating in a posture enabling the receptive partner to regulate the penetrative depth and tempo, such as the cowgirl position or any stance where the receptive individual is positioned "on top."

Inquire of your companion whether any additional actions are desired from you. By way of illustration, upon complete internal placement, they may prefer complete stillness from you. They might simply desire your phallus deeply embedded within them while they engage in controlled respiration and achieve a state of tranquility.

Your companion's posterior will yield to your presence as their comfort level increases with your internal presence, and then it is at that point you may commence more vigorous thrusting—provided, however, that this progression is mutually desired.

Establishing Optimal Pace and Cadence

There exists no singular "correct" tempo or cadence during the act of penetration—the determining factor is solely the receptive partner's level of ease. Goldstein notes, "Certain receptive partners derive pleasure from elongated, deliberate, and profound penetrations, whereas others favor brief, swift movements, and a third group appreciates variance, contingent upon the chosen stance." Similar to most aspects of sexual activity, it hinges upon individual awareness of personal preferences and the capacity to articulate those desires.

Unfettered dialogue is pivotal for guaranteeing mutual enjoyment—thus, seek explicit consent prior to altering dynamics. (For example, "Would you prefer more intensity, my dear?" or "Do you believe you can accommodate further?") Should you increase intensity and your partner starts experiencing pain, cease without delay.

Goldstein further remarks, "A crucial counsel rarely disseminated is that the dimension of the penetrating partner's phallus holds significance in this context." "Surprisingly, many receptive partners experience increased difficulty and discomfort when the penetrating partner possesses a less substantial phallus because they are prone to complete disengagement with every propulsion—and the persistent need for re-insertion can prove vexatious." (Should you be less amply endowed, explore these postures designed for individuals with phalluses of modest length. These positions are formulated to mitigate inadvertent disengagement.)

Optimal Postures for Anal Intercourse

The most advantageous stances for anal intercourse are ultimately those that induce the greatest comfort and pleasure for participants. Goldstein suggests, "Consider experimenting with the doggy-style posture, which will vest the penetrating partner with complete command and facilitate more profound insertion." He continues, "Alternatively, one might attempt the reverse cowboy position, which is particularly gratifying if the penetrating partner's phallus exhibits a natural downward curvature. This orientation will enable contact with your partner's prostate."

The missionary position offers significant benefits because it enables oral intimacy; additionally, one can arouse the companion's phallus during the act of insertion (or the receptive partner can achieve self-stimulation).

Goldstein states, "Given the inherent uniqueness of each individual, it should not be unexpected if particular postures prove more effective than others. He elaborates that "each receptive partner possesses a unique pelvic structure, and each penetrating partner's phallus varies. Therefore, the orientation of the penetrating partner's phallus—be it curving upward, downward, or straight—will influence the suitability of certain positions for the receptive individual."

Variations in stature can present challenges for the proper alignment of the penetrating partner's phallus and the receptive partner's anal passage. Goldstein advises, "If one partner is considerably disparate in height from the other, do not hesitate to employ aids, such as cushions, or utilize alternative platforms, for instance, a couch, countertop, bed, or chair, to facilitate optimal bodily congruence." At times, sexual encounters resemble a complex jigsaw; the objective is to ensure the two components interlock harmoniously to optimize gratification and alleviate any unease.

How (and Where) to Finish

At what location should the penetrating partner ejaculate? Ascertainment is impossible without direct inquiry! The determination hinges upon the mutual desires of both you and your companion.

Goldstein advises, "My counsel is for individuals to engage in dialogue with their partner regarding their comfort parameters, any latent inclinations they possess, and to collectively identify a location that satisfies all parties." He continues, "Certain individuals relish seminal fluid, which may manifest as deriving pleasure from being bred [meaning the top cums inside the bottom's ass without a condom], onto their countenance, into their oral cavity, or across their entire physique."

Others may prefer to release seminal fluid onto a cloth, bedding, or within a prophylactic. Goldstein concludes, "Regardless of the culmination point (excuse the pun), there is no incorrect choice, provided mutual comfort and arousal are achieved."

Implement Aftercare

Upon the conclusion of anal intercourse, reconnect with your companion and ascertain their emotional and physical state. This practice is advisable following any form of intimate engagement, but particularly after anal intercourse, as the receptive role can prove profoundly impactful; consequently, your companion might desire to be physically comforted, hydrated, or at minimum, afforded private moments in the washroom for personal hygiene. Furthermore, our conduct after sex can significantly influence the perception of the overall intimate encounter, consequently, post-coital nurturing is truly imperative.

Does Engaging as a Top Pose Health Concerns?

During anal intercourse, regardless of assuming the penetrative or receptive role, individuals incur the potential for contracting sexually transmissible pathogens. A primary avenue for STI dissemination arises when lacerations occur on the skin of the receptive partner's anal passage or the penetrating partner's phallus—a consequence of insufficient (or absent) lubrication, or from excessive forceful thrusting. Goldstein states, "Such occurrences can result in discomfort, inflammation, and hemorrhage, thereby exposing all participants to STI vulnerability." He cautions, "Even absent physical tearing, penetrating partners ought to be cognizant of ubiquitous sexually transmitted infections, such as herpes, HPV, and anal warts, which are transmissible merely via cutaneous contact, including tactile interaction, friction, and rimming.'

A straightforward method to avert STI propagation involves the utilization of a condom. Goldstein affirms, "It is generally acknowledged that, when employed correctly, condoms significantly mitigate the likelihood of STI conveyance; therefore, should both you and your companion wish to implement them, I strongly advocate for their use."