Is my roomate gay

<p>I'm on the verge of starting my freshman year in college. The institution itself informed pupils of their roommate allocations roughly one week ago. Upon making contact with him, he disclosed his homosexuality. Admittedly, it caught me off guard and didn't just immediately register; I had to pause and ponder because I adhere to religious beliefs, and when I envisioned such a scenario, I understood it would provoke a severe divergence of perspectives (on multiple counts, by assumption).</p>

<p>Nonetheless, I equally shun the idea of alienating him, thus I expressed my contentment with rooming together (even though I had a double-take) and harbored a genuine desire to befriend him. I truly do. I aim not to inflict pain on anyone, but simultaneously, I hold steadfast in my beliefs.</p>

<p>My parents, too, are religious, but also older, immigrants, and patently more stringent in their assertion of their beliefs. Given my parents' financial backing for the subsequent year of my independent existence, withholding such information wasn't feasible. I informed my father initially, and he is fairly unyielding about switching roommates, which will likely be a difficult undertaking because the dormitory I'm staying in has a limited capacity, is highly coveted, and totally occupied.</p>

<p>Conversely, I refrained from telling my mother because a particular event in her life shaped her perspective regarding sexuality, and she would…not take the situation well. Not at all. (And if you were acquainted with the event, you'd grasp the reasoning, but it constitutes a very personal circumstance.) My dad also recognizes he can't disclose it to her…not yet, anyways. He plans to do so after I've moved in.</p>

<p>My move-in date is rapidly approaching, and I simply don't know what to do. My mom will be driving me to move in (due to my dad's work commitments), and I'm uncertain if she will pose inquiries. And if she does, I strongly suspect she will commence by displaying immense anger towards me and my father for the belated disclosure, and will likely exaggerate the issue, thereby rendering the commencement of college exceedingly stressful for me. I genuinely do not wish to be the person with parents incessantly involved, affecting those around me. Even if I concealed it from her, her discovering the information or informing her late in the process would be considerably worse than anything else. Once again, she would NOT handle it well.</p>

<p>I'm truly at a loss as to what action to take. I believe I could room with him without incident (excluding some disagreement), and I somewhat desire to, as I empathize with individuals and wish to be their friend. My parents, however, will generate an overpowering and tense atmosphere for me, with my mother especially possibly taking things out of context.</p>

<p>I'm completely ensnared in a state of neutrality and am uncertain of the proper course of action. Ought I attempt to inform my mother before I relocate? Should I apprise my roommate that I might have to switch due to my parents' wishes, while still wishing to be his friend? Should I relocate if and when feasible to evade causing stress to myself, my roommate, and my parents? I honestly feel disoriented and overwhelmed by the thought.</p>

<p>Disclaimer: Please comprehend that I possess my own private viewpoints. Addressing me with derogatory terms isn't necessary (I've encountered it) and dismissing my parents' sentiments is out of the question (given they're financing my education with their limited funds and deserve to know about the individual I'll be residing with for the upcoming year).</p>

<p>A significant aspect of college life involves acquiring the skills to address these types of scenarios appropriately. I do not concur that switching rooms (if, in reality, your school even permits it) constitutes a suitable response. </p>

<p>Furthermore, as I've just mentioned, it's highly probable that your educational institution will deny your request to switch rooms. If they do, I suggest you treat your roommate the same as you would any other person—that is, with respect and by not concentrating on their sexual identity.</p>

<p>I'd also like to highlight (as a Christian) that the Bible cautions us against judging others—and by trying to switch rooms due to something as unimportant as sexuality, you are, in essence, being a bit judgmental.</p>

<p>I don't comprehend why your parents necessitate this knowledge. If you're inclined to befriend him, irrespective of certain distinctions, and you realize your parents (especially your mom) have a zero-tolerance policy, both of you could maintain silence about his sexuality. </p>

<p>I comprehend your mom and dad are funding your education. Certainly, you can be appreciative. However, by informing them, you may be exaggerating a minor situation. Again, you're exhibiting an open-minded approach and are willing to be his friend. I believe you should've simply kept the news under wraps.</p>

<p>He might actually feel even more isolated and hurt by the fact that a potential roommate and his parents needed to modify roommates due to his sexuality. </p>

<p>If your parents ABSOLUTELY need to know, then I'd suggest you do everyone a favor and seek a new roommate. I can foresee that once the cat's out of the bag, there'll only be problems. I don't believe your roommate requires additional criticism or conflict concerning his sexuality.</p>

<p>Edit: Assuming you're inclined towards empathy and room with your roommate, notwithstanding his sexual orientation, I believe you should be able to stand up to your mom if you 100% need to inform her. I'm not assessing you for possessing your personal viewpoints, but I am informing you that your mom is not acting as a good religious individual by harboring judgment against someone else, even considering her personal experiences. </p>

<p>Life is about living. Learning to forgive and let go is paramount, and it is essential for a human being's growth. As a grown woman, I genuinely wish your mom could grasp that one unfavorable experience with a homosexual person does not equate to unfavorable experiences with every homosexual individual.</p>

<p>How amusing is it that I came here with the intention of advising you to cease being a bigot xD</p>

<p>Firstly, do not, under any circumstances, reveal this to your parents. He confided in you because you'll be sharing living quarters. You are oblivious to the extent of his openness. For you to disclose it without his consent, fully aware they'd react negatively, would be cruel.</p>

<p>Secondly, he shared it so you'd be in the know. He could be petrified of your reaction. I know my roommate freaked out when she told me she identifies as a lesbian. They desire you to simply allow them to live their life. He merely requests you not to criticize him when he's conversing with a male. And not to out him if he doesn't wish to make his sexuality known.</p>

<p>If you genuinely can't coexist with a gay individual...Well, firstly, you're ignorant. And secondly, try to change living arrangements but make sure to provide him with the explicit reason. Avoid sugarcoating anything. Just tell him outright. Then he knows to steer clear of you altogether.</p>

<p>Why did you relay this to your parents in the first place, understanding they'd escalate it into a major ordeal?</p>

<p>I wouldn't care if my roommate was gay. Or even transgendered. If you're unable to cope with sharing living space with him, then don't. He doesn't merit having such an ignorant roommate like you.</p>

<p>I don't understand the necessity of informing your parents. Yes, I understand they're bankrolling your education, but how is that situation their concern in any capacity? If your parents become involved, the fault lies with you because you shared this when it wasn't actually necessary. In addition, on top of that, you're publicizing your roommate's personal life. This is morphing into a larger issue than required. Who cares if your roommate is gay!</p>

<p>I honestly think that you're merely going to have to accept it… I mean, if the dorm you'll be staying at is that desirable and already at full capacity, then there's likely a negligible possibility of you being able to swap roommates. Like others stated, I think this is among the matters you'll need to deal with in college; diversity is what colleges emphasize anyway. Or you could just stay home and commute, if you live near your school. If not, too bad.</p>

<p>Yeah…I don't understand why you had to share it with your father, either. Your parents are funding your college education, thus entitling them to approve your roommate's dating choices? I mean, if the roommate had a penchant for criminals or drug kingpins, I could understand it…but an inclination towards the same sex. Um, nope.</p>

<p>Yes, I'd say you erred by telling your father. It's not his business. My parents funded 100% of my college tuition, I didn't inform them that my roommate had her boyfriend stay over constantly. It simply wasn't their information to know (and it wasn't my right to disclose it), and you KNEW your dad would react negatively.</p>

<p>I don't think you should reveal this to your mom. Could you envision if, on move-in day, she began questioning him about it, or bitterly complaining? That is entirely, completely unfair to your roommate and could embarrass him and significantly harm his college experience. Should she ever find out, she can handle it through a phone call with you, not in the presence of your roommate. </p>

<p>There's no necessity to comment on his situation. One of my closest friends is a lesbian and, just as I don't say to her "I believe it's wonderful that you're gay!!" you don't have to tell him how you feel about him. If, for any reason, he initiates a conversation with you, you can state that you have religious beliefs but acknowledge it's his personal life and not for you to judge.</p>

<p>If your roommate instantly shared his homosexuality with you, he was likely terrified of your potential perception. Frankly, I empathize with your roommate, but since I'm not allowed to call you a bigot (see what I did there?), here's some advice.</p>

<p>Housing almost certainly has a policy preventing roommate changes during the initial month, barring a medical emergency. Locate this rule and present it to your dad. Tell him you'll attempt to switch as soon as possible, but don't actually do so. Don't raise it with your mom unless she discovers it, and by that time, you should be able to figure out what to do. Additionally, remember the "let him who is without sin (not that his sexual orientation is a sin) cast the first stone" principle. That certainly applies in this situation. </p>

<p>If the scenario escalates later in the semester, converse with your RA about it. At many colleges, there's a form of training concerning what to do if parents wish to intervene in something that should be a non-issue. Your RA will probably have better counsel for the situation than most people here. </p>

<p>Another piece of advice, you're an adult or nearing it. You need to grasp there are some things you should discuss with your parents, while others should be withheld. This is one of those matters you should never have discussed with them.</p>

<p>Consider your present roommate. Like you, he's an incredibly anxious freshman about to relocate. His existence has already been complicated by his sexuality—he's been isolated, tormented, and labeled. This is his opportunity to escape all of that. </p>

<p>You assert you oppose his homosexuality due to religious beliefs, and that's acceptable. But your responsibility is to realize a person is greater than their sexuality. </p>

<p>I genuinely don't understand why you needed to inform your parents. In reality, it's a minor situation that's going to minimally influence your life. Coexist with him. Should your parents insist you change rooms, it's clearly not due to religious considerations—the Bible states, "do not judge, lest ye be judged". </p>

<p>If you reject him, he'll feel more alienated because he'll know it's attributable to his sexuality. Communicate to your parents that you're cultivating a more accepting mindset.</p>

<p>As a gay individual, set to share a dorm with a heterosexual person this coming year, I can state he likely struggled with this predicament for months. He took a substantial leap of faith by informing you because he probably anticipates there are individuals who will view him quite differently upon discovering his sexual orientation.</p>

<p>It boils down to his living habits and yours. In my circumstance, I'm not inclined to bring random acquaintances back to my room, and I am exceedingly mindful about ensuring my roommate feels as comfortable as possible. If you intend to host females (and not just for visits...), you can't anticipate him not bringing males back. It's a mutual respect that you must cultivate for each other. Politics and religion are likely best kept to yourselves and your companions. Refrain from broaching his orientation; he's likely heard everything conceivable about how wrong it is or whatever. </p>

<p>Just maintain your separate lives. You can forge friendships through discovering shared interests or by spending time together. This is merely one facet of his being and does not define him.</p>

<p>(In the event that this is actually a female OP, omit the "he" and use "she". I haven't had the chance to consider the genders!)</p>

<p>The majority of parents possess limited or nonexistent knowledge regarding their students' roommates. There was no justification to disclose it to them, but given that you did, it's optimal to refrain from sharing any further details.</p>

<p>Your parents truly lack a legitimate basis for objecting to your cohabitation with a gay person, and I'm inclined to surmise that many colleges would outright reject a room modification request initiated by you, as it could potentially violate their non-discrimination policy, similar to how refusing to room with someone of a specific race wouldn't be tolerated.</p>

<p>Additionally, I suggest that both of your parents undergo a reality check regarding the LGBT community, especially if your mother had a negative experience with a minuscule segment of the LGBT population. There exist professional counselors specializing in this type of trauma. The LGBT community is incredibly diverse, and your roommate is likely to not conform to a multitude of your preconceptions about gay individuals. There's a substantial likelihood they will be more "straight-acting" than you.</p>

<p>As much as I dislike suggesting it, you could request that your roommate remain discreet during the thirty minutes your mother is assisting you with the move. Subsequently, if your father and/or mother inquires about your roommate's sexual orientation, you can mention they revealed they were gay to assess whether their roommate was bigoted, but aren't actually gay (some students have done this). Your roommate can be as gay as he/she wishes to be (though some actions are subject to a roommate agreement to which you must adhere), but that's none of your parents' concern.</p>

<p>'Conversely, I did NOT tell my mom because a certain event in her life shaped her opinion regarding sexuality and she would…not take the situation well. Not at all. (And if you knew about the event, you would understand why, but it's a very personal situation.) My dad also understands he can't tell her…not yet, anyways. He plans to after I move in.'</p>

<p>I'm inclined to speculate on what the scenario entailed: a narrative where a homosexual person acted unfavorably. If so, I assuredly comprehend how somebody can possess various insane perspectives about tens of millions of individuals due to that. Even you don't seem entirely in agreement with this behavior that you're rationalizing, so I think we can hardly be persuaded towards empathy with the allure of a secret narrative. </p>

<p>'Please comprehend that I possess my own personal viewpoints. Addressing me with derogatory terms isn't necessary (I've heard it)…'</p>

<p>You possess your unique viewpoints. It's progress that you feel conflicted about them and don't vocalize them as freely as people did historically, but now that you've made them public to us, I'll comment: perceiving something morally objectionable with the pursuit of consensual happiness, founded on nothing more than what you interpret from an unproven canon of disparate hocus pocus, isn't merely absurd but has also engendered more misery globally than we can even grasp. You and your family are entitled to your opinions, you are entitled to be mistaken, and it appears you're even entitled to contributing to a mindset that causes people to despise their lives enough to terminate them with regularity. However, you're not entitled to the remainder of the world pretending it's not bigoted. </p>

<p>I believe you ought to have a homosexual roommate. You don't appear malicious, and I opine you'd be a more positive contributor to society by having one. Best of luck.</p>

<p>To be candid, I opine it would be beneficial for both you and your parents for you to have a roommate who identifies as homosexual.</p>

<p>As for guidance, I would recommend not revisiting the topic. If your father brings it up, inform him you are unable to switch rooms due to the dorm being full. If your mother discovers it, she discovers it. Communicate to her that you didn't mention it because your roommate's sexuality isn't your concern nor your parents'. Address it like a mature adult. Treat your roommate like the human being he is. Don't behave in a bigoted manner, and people won't label you as one.</p>

<p>This thread contravenes the TOS, and I've observed many other threads being terminated due to similar content. If it's that severe, simply notify the institution.</p>

<p>@Apollo11</p>

<p>Hey, I haven't reviewed the TOS…out of curiosity, which element would pose a problem?</p>

<p>Thank you for the replies. Acquired all I required. I'm fine if the thread gets closed. Apologies for breaching the TOS in whatever manner. I'm departing.</p>

<p>He's a person, just like every other individual. He merely happens to possess a different sexual orientation. You appear open-minded regarding the scenario, and your primary concerns seem to originate from your parents' religious perspectives towards homosexuality. Remind them he was a person, and remind them that some of history's greatest figures happened to be homosexual. Heck, Alan Turing, a gay atheist, without him, we wouldn't be engaging in this conversation on a computer presently. </p>

<p>I tend not to exhibit extensive patience for the religious attitudes towards homosexuality because they are unwarranted. Explain to your parents that rooming with someone who is homosexual doesn't trouble you. Remind them that homosexual is NOT synonymous with "crazed sex lunatic who desires to bed everything in sight." I rather doubt that you'll be raped or something similar.</p>

<p>To be frank, however, I don't understand why you even felt compelled to inform them initially. Who cares if they're financing your schooling? Why must the fact that your roommate is gay define who he is? Why can't you simply express, "He appears like a decent individual, it sounds like we'll get along well?" He isn't merely "a homosexual." He is a person with the identical range of emotions and values that any other individual possesses.</p>