Tone Gay

Daily Prompt: Hear No Evil

Relate to us a discussion you accidentally overheard and now regret.

One day, I participated in an early morning work meeting (this was a bit ago) and engaged in casual conversation with the other attendees, relating an anecdote regarding the gas company abruptly rousing Ledcat and me earlier that morning. I honestly don&8217;t even recall the specifics of the tale, but it involved having a mere thirty minutes of hot water for both of us to prepare for work, and, no, they didn't provide advance notice about this work, etc. Just a simple story about a work morning kerfuffle. Small talk. I recall other women at the assembly sharing analogous stories regarding work personnel and so on.

I returned to my office and, upon settling in, I eavesdropped on a coworker who had likewise been at that meeting. She was speaking incredibly loudly for our office, so I listened to discern what was transpiring. She was vehemently complaining about my retelling of that story. She was fulminating to the clerical staff assigned to the program we both worked on, individuals with whom I was obliged to collaborate daily. She was ranting about the fact that I utilized the expression "my partner" within a story at work and how I shouldn&8217;t "bring that" into the work environment.

That? That? That?

I sat in my chair, stunned. I mentally replayed the story, finding nothing work-inappropriate about it. It was a simple anecdote that could transpire for any couple. I contemplated confronting her. However, I assessed the office's occupants &8211; the clerical employee and another clerical employee, who never caused a stir. Thus, I gently shut my door and lowered my head, hoping my boss would soon return. She sustained her tirade for a considerable period.

Upon their arrival, I requested a private meeting and described what occurred, bursting into tears. As I conversed with them, fury consumed me &8211; how dare she characterize the individual I loved as "that" &8211; as though Ledcat was an object, not a person. Why should she even be concerned? And why on earth would she act this way in front of colleagues?

My supervisor rationalized the entire situation as a conflict between her "black religious" beliefs and my being gay. They proposed I "tone down the gay" by refraining from sharing stories that might tap into people's prejudices. Then, my superior disseminated the story with additional colleagues who arrived to reassure me that the aforementioned person was not homophobic. My boss didn't investigate further, beyond asking her if she had made the statements, which she denied. She was asked to apologize &8211; she offered me a non-apology for what I misunderstood while eavesdropping. Ha.

I understood I was on my own in that moment. So, I met her gaze directly and stated, "You ought to be aware that we operate within the City of Pittsburgh, hence creating a hostile work environment premised on my sexual orientation is unlawful. You should also know that my partner is an attorney, and if it ever happens again, the people asking questions won't be our boss &8211; they'll be civil rights investigators. If it repeats, this company will incur financial penalties, and I doubt they'd appreciate that." She assented, but she smirked because she knew she'd prevailed. She was genuinely surprised to learn my partner was a lawyer. I was bluffing, but not by much.

Two evenings later, Ledcat accompanied me to work, and we deliberately introduced her to this woman. Polite "You remember my partner, Laura?" Nothing more invasive than that. I had one photograph of her on my desk, close to my phone, rendering it almost imperceptible to anyone but myself. That was it. I never wear my rainbow pride sweater to work. I did advocate for domestic partner benefits (successfully) and recruited LGBTQ volunteers in various capacities.

I wasn't successful at toning down the gay. My office was vandalized, someone breached my mail and pilfered items donated to a children's program, and eventually, I received lesbian porn via company email. I reported everything, and it was all dismissed (save for the porn). I think the dismissal is what put myself and another lesbian in the situation of receiving lesbian porn in our company email accounts.

Overhearing this conversation furnished me with a vital heads-up, but it additionally shattered my confidence in my employer. I wasn't a popular colleague, given that I arrived with an influx of ideas and suggestions, as well as the dreaded change. I was attuned to the racial tension in our office, but I was informed enough to avoid accusing my black coworkers (or assuming that Christian black people universally despise gays.) I coexisted well, as I produced results, which is why I was employed. However, I never felt supported. And I could see that the majority shared that perspective.

We didn't discuss workplace bullies back then, yet she was one of a few who persisted in bullying me. And I fault my employer for propagating the false "black Christianity versus gay folks" explanation. I lacked a camera phone then to photograph the package that was nearly savagely torn open to access its contents. It was nearly an act of violence, frustration, fear, and anger. And no one took me seriously. The individual I suspected ended up committing a very dangerous act that could have had tragic consequences.

People endure worse in their work lives. I witnessed significantly worse being inflicted on other people. However, every employer I've had has allowed homophobia in the workplace to go unchallenged &8211; to avoid offending someone, be it clients, coworkers, or donors. I genuinely wish I hadn't been a part of conversations like, "The word lesbian might offend our older donors, so can you refrain from using it? Leave that aspect of yourself at home, like I leave my religion."

Above all, I wish I hadn't overheard that specific discussion because it shattered my illusion that people cared enough to intervene.