Why Did I Have a Gay Dream?

The reverie initiates in the boudoir of my boyfriend (of three years). I simply dropped in to bestow a kiss before heading home. Upon reaching his chamber, he is seated upon his bed clad in a T-shirt and white boxer shorts. He extends a greeting. I enquire as to what is amiss, and he conveys that he is unsure how to reveal this without causing me distress. I implore him to confide in me. Whereupon, he admits to me that he has been engaging in kissing with another individual.

I feel stunned by this revelation and subsequently, he proceeds to inform me that he has been engaged in oral sex with this individual. At that instant, Josh, one of my school chums (who is, in real existence, homosexual), emerges from Stephen's, my boyfriend's, closet, bearing the same attire, a t-shirt and underwear, as Stephen. I was perplexed.

Subsequently, the reverie shifts. I am at this park hosting a party, which I could have backed out of, and Stephen was constantly shadowing me, endeavoring to inform me he was apologetic, and trailing behind him was Josh, attempting to reclaim him (reminiscent of Julia Roberts in My Best Friend's Wedding.)

Eventually, I consent to converse with Stephen; and all three of us are perched atop a picnic table. I perceive this spider-bee-thing hurtling towards me, stinging me on the neck. I swat at it, and it alights on Stephen's cheek, stinging him on his hip. The sting leaves this red/purple wax-like welt. Then, someone arrives, apprising us that the bee was venomous, and that nothing could be done — we were fated to expire. Upon awakening, I was weeping.

–holly, age nineteen, unmarried, female, morgantown, WV

Hi Holly,

I am sorrowful to learn of your troubling dream. It concluded with a somber ending, though I am uncertain if that is how it will conclude in actuality!

Your dream reflects concerns that Steve, your boyfriend of three years now, might be concealing something within his 'closet.' When he unfastens the door, and Josh appears (who is homosexual in the real world), Steve's dilemma is brought to light. Steve is drawn to males, in addition to being drawn to you!

A simplistic interpretation of your dream suggests that you have perceived, on a subconscious level, that Steve is, in reality, gay, and that he is withholding this information from you (concealed in the closet). Continuing this theme, you may suspect Josh is Steve's paramour in real life, or he may merely embody (given his homosexuality) a prevalent fear that Steve is drawn to men.

Once you comprehend that Josh and Steve 'wear the same garb,' a 'spider-bee-thing' zooms in and stings both of you. Spiders within dreams are frequently linked with 'unsettling' individuals and sentiments — those that we wish to avoid in our waking moments. Likewise, bees tend to 'vex us,' and they carry a sting. If the unsettling sensation that has been bothering you is your suspicion that Steve is gay, your dream suggests this suspicion may 'destroy' your bond, signified by your demises at the dream's conclusion.

Before you become excessively preoccupied about the significance of this dream, it's an opportune moment to perform an emotional assessment. If you are genuinely dubious regarding Steve's sexual orientation, this dream serves as an indicator that it is time to unveil the topic 'out of the closet' and 'onto the table.' If Steve declares his attraction towards other males, your dream implies that his interest might be a 'deal-breaker.' (Translation: Time to call it quits!)

If Steve is unsure of his feelings, you both may desire a respite, to facilitate each other in exploring your feelings. Ultimately, should you presume the sole reason for this dream stems from your apprehension regarding losing Steve, and because some of your other male associates are homosexual (Josh), it may be a crucial time to bring forth some of your own trepidations from the closet. Just because Josh and Steve are companions doesn't necessarily mean Steve is also gay, or that Josh is endeavoring to steal him away!

What's the dream's message? It's an appropriate moment for you and Steve to confer. You may end up bidding farewell, but you also may eventually enjoy a hearty laugh!

Charles McPhee is a graduate of Princeton University and holds a master's in communication management from the University of Southern California. He received his board certification to perform polysomnographic testing for the diagnosis and treatment of sleep disorders in one thousand nine hundred ninety-two. McPhee is the former Director of the Sleep Apnea Patient Treatment Program at the Sleep Disorders Center of Santa Barbara, California; the former coordinator of the Sleep Disorders Center at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center in Los Angeles, CA , and the former coordinator of the sleep research laboratory at the National Institute of Mental Health in Bethesda, MD. Please visit his website for further information.